


Nor custom stale their infinite variety...

by shadowolfhunter



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: M/M, Old Age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowolfhunter/pseuds/shadowolfhunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>from Kelly's PoV, more's the pity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nor custom stale their infinite variety...

"Mrs Lambton..."

"We're full." Kelly sighed inwardly, he'd had a feeling. "In fact, I'm quite sure we cannot fit them in this millennium."

That seemed a little unlikely, but since he had the feeling that his fathers' multiple misdeeds were about to be visited upon his head, Kelly decided to play along. "What did they do?"

"What did they do?" Clearly the woman's sense of injustice was working on her in the same manner as yeast in a loaf of bread. She seemed to be rising before his eyes. "What didn't they do? One weekend." Mrs Lambton raised a quivering digit. "We've never had four dead bodies in one weekend before."

Kelly doubted that, it was a retirement home after all. "I don't see how..."

"Mr Burkhardt, your father brought his elephant gun to the breakfast table. We couldn't persuade him to leave it in their room."

"Papa Nick likes to be prepared."

"Prepared!" Lambton's face had taken on an alarmingly puce hue. "We lost two cooks over the weekend. Your stepfather described the breakfast porridge as having the taste and texture of wallpaper glue, and the coffee as being _undrinkable swill_ , our chefs have won prizes!"

"Papa Sean was raised in Europe... He likes good food" Kelly crossed his fingers, that was an understatement.

"Mr Renard..."

"He prefers Captain..."

"...then proceeded to spend an hour in the kitchen teaching our Saturday chef how to correctly spatchcock a chicken."

"He's pretty good with a knife..."

"He's also pretty good with a sword... Our first dead body was a Hundjager in the kitchen, with an antique sword stick." She studied her notes for a second, "Then Mr Burkhardt shot the second one through the French Windows."

"We'll pay for the glass."

"Body number three was the reaper who was foolish enough to enter the stairwell. Your father threw two fire extinguishers at it, while your stepfather cut its head off with the sword stick. By this stage it was clear they were just getting warmed up. Dinner passed with only one incident. The chef left. Your fathers took over." Lambton crossed her arms and peered over the top of her glasses at Kelly, "Tall Trees prides itself on delivering nutritionally sound meals without too much spice. It tends to get the residents all excited and gives us all sleepless nights. Not that most of the residents were not already over-stimulated from the murderous events during the day."

"Erm..." Kelly really didn't know what to say to that one.

"Then we come to yesterday. Your father came to breakfast with his elephant gun. Again. By this time your stepfather had chased the Sunday chef out of the kitchen and was preparing omelettes... At this point a Hundjager attempted to sneak through the kitchen, your stepfather hit it with an iron skillet, and your father shot it with his elephant gun. By now the kitchen had been thoroughly contaminated with its second dead body in two days, so your fathers decided to order an enormous number of voodoo donuts for all the residents, I cannot begin to explain the effect that much sugar has on already over-stimulated elderly persons, but it's not good. They on the other hand seem to have enjoyed themselves immensely."

Lambton seemed to have reached a plateau of annoyance. She reached into her file. "The bill, Mr Burkhardt. And there is the door. Please try very hard not to come through it again."

Kelly got to his feet, he'd had an inkling that this was going to be a failure. Outside his elderly and unrepentant fathers were waiting.


End file.
